The world of post-divorce life is ever changing.
Note the time and date. That's right. It's Christmas Eve. The presents are out, the kiddies are in bed, and I am up creating a blog about my ex. Who's the loser now?
In the last three days I have confirmed my suspicion that my ex has begun dating, found out that she has met my children without me knowing, and managed to get through these last few days before Christmas without hurling on my Keens. How? I don't know.
To start let me just say this: I am SO over him. We were married for almost 11 rocky years. I filed. It was my choice. So, why do I feel like I have been kicked in the gut? Why does it feel as if I'm being cheated on? Jealousy? Hell no. Envy? Maybe a little. Ok...maybe a little of both.
To be completely honest, I wanted to be the one who moved on first. Of course, I am raising our three children (with the exception of the first, third and fifth weekends of the month) and trying to get myself through nursing school...who the hell has time to date? Him. That's who. It seems while I have been spending my every waking hour studying for tests, passing up sleep to do laundry, and trying my best to hang on the the one shred of sanity I have left my ex has had plenty of time to chase a little skirt.
I called my BFF today bawling my eyes out today, ok, blubbering like an idiot is probably more like it. But why the hell do I care? I don't know, but I do. When she asked if I wanted him to be happy, my answer was a quick, "No.". But do I? Maybe. Probably not. Seems like justice would state I am the one to be happy, he is the one to be regretting what he threw away. Funny how justice doesn't work in my favor. Ever.
So, this whole pile of crap that seems to be my emotional health is begging for some T.L.C. What do I do? I start a blog, naturally. Will anyone read it. Who knows? But maybe in the midst of it I can find some sanity, self worth and a little bit of peace in this cluster-eff of life.
Stay tuned....
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